ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
