you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
