hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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