i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
