Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You are the jesus of drinking
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
