I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
