my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
