I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
