You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
