Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
