I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
