so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
