I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
