now i know why i became what i already was.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
