Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
