Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
