There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
