Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
