i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
