I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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