Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I checked into jail on foursquare
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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