this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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