At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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