Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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