this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
