I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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