The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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