I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
