Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
