YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
