you win again, gameday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
