I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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