i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
