Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
