I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
