Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
