It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
