My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
