I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
