he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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