i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
