Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
