I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
