puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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