Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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