just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
