Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am one with the molecules
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
