what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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