I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
