yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
