omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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