OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
